The crisp morning air fills my lungs. It is fresh. And cool. And the people in my neighbourhood are just starting to wake up. This pandemic has rocked us all, leaving no stone unturned. The sense of unease is palpable. And even the sun seems to hesitate in peaking out from behind the clouds. And then….off in the distance…..I see it. The perfect ice puddle. I quicken my pace, as if someone else may just get there before me. My heavy rain boots crack the ice with a satisfying crunch. I sink through, right to the sidewalk. Water, breaking free. Feet, dancing in the shattered ice-cubes. Stress. It reveals so much. And when applied to something fragile…..a thin layer of ice…..it exposes the fractures that exist within. I think about the stress I’m under…..the stress we’re all under….and I see the incredible test of courage that we are all being asked to face. I see my own weaknesses, threatening to cause my entire being to buckle under the pressure. And in those moments…..when it feels like I am about to crack…..I remind myself that I have struggled and endured before. I am strong. I am resilient. I am rock solid. Now, I am definitely not a gardener. And if you’re ever looking for someone to kill a cactus, I’m your girl. But if there’s one thing I know about plants, it’s that they are incredible organisms (pause….re-read that correctly) at adapting to stress. Plants will actually acclimate to stress by changing their leaf size, developing antifreeze, or even outright adapting their cells to compensate for dry soil. Not only that….many gardeners actually swear by deliberately stressing out their plants! Want a hotter pepper? Try letting it wilt before watering. No joke. In the plant world, stress isn’t necessarily harmful. Drought….flood….pests….cold snaps….these events that disrupt homeostasis, are actually a catalyst for change. And in the right doses, plants can turn discomfort into growth…..and long-term stability. The next generation? Even hardier. And a much greater likelihood of survival. Woah. Does that not totally apply to what we are facing, right in this very moment? This stress. This discomfort. It can be a catalyst for change. I truly believe that we will all be able to look back at this time, this experience, this season….and say, wow. Look at how we adapted. How we responded. How we came together as human beings, despite the physical distance. This will absolutely act as a point of reference for all of us, going forward. Something we can point to. Proof of our resiliency, and our ability to endure something hard. And not only that….we are setting the example for our children. We are showing them how to weather the storm. And guess what? They will be stronger because of it. They will learn how to get creative in the face of impossible circumstances. They will learn how to stay positive in the midst of chaos. They will learn how to stay connected despite distance. They will learn how to experience gratitude for the smallest of things….things that were once, perhaps, taken for granted. But only if we are willing to be courageous. Only if we are willing to see this stress as an opportunity. And only if we are willing be the example. Our children are watching, and learning how to adapt….because we are adapting. And so I ask you. How are you reacting to this disruption in homeostasis? And how are you using it as a catalyst for change? For me, it is about grounding myself in the present moment. Working hard to stay focused on the blessings of today….because, well…..tomorrow is not a given. It is about witnessing my own mind, and learning how to take a step back from my anxiety in a healthy way. It’s about avoiding the temptation to numb the pain. And rather, learning about what truly calms my heart (laughter, human connection, writing). It is about learning how to be someone who celebrates change, and does not shy away from new and different. And most of all, it is changing my mindset around "running the hard mile." You know what I mean. Every time you get out there, and go for a run, there’s a hard mile. The mile when you start to question how long this thing is gonna be. The mile when you start making excuses. And telling yourself stories. And blaming Ariana Grande for killing your vibe (just kidding….Arianna would never do that). It is that mile that defines who you are, and how you do life. It is that mile that tells you whether you are someone who stops at the first sign of discomfort…..or whether you are are someone who can push past the negative chatter in your head, and run the shit out of that mile anyways! I have made lemonade out of lemons before. And this is no different. With every sunrise that we are blessed enough to experience, we are being given SUCH a gift. The gift to run this hard mile….hell, sprint this hard mile…..and to give it everything we've got. So that....with any luck…..we come out of this on the other side, with newfound resiliency. Yes, what we are all being forced to do is the equivalent of stripping naked, and strutting down Main Street. It’s highly uncomfortable. It is. But if I may quote Shakira circa 2001, “underneath your clothes, there’s an endless story.” We all have latent potential. Endless stories that are dying to unfold. And this….THIS…..is the opportunity of a lifetime to change, to adapt, and to become stronger than ever.
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“How many more weeks until we can be human beings again?!” says my mom. She’s putting on her coat, getting ready to go to the grocery store. My mom is a “worrier” at the best of times. And this pandemic has hit her hard, in the gut. She knows the ins-and-outs of every angle to this thing. And she watches the News religiously. She is bracing. Hard. And she is doing what most people instinctively do when they are knee-deep in fear. Trying to turn the “unknown” into the “known.” “Uncertainty” into “certainty.” She is trying to outrun this thing. And I mean, I don’t blame her. But the crazy part is, you can never outrun fear. It’s like a hopping on a fucking treadmill. The faster you go, the more exhausted you get. And really? You don’t get anywhere at all. My mom. She is weighed down by the heaviness of her worries. Carrying the burden of “poor Africa,” and “that horrible Trump” on her own shoulders. She looks over at my kiddos, and sighs. “Oh to be a child right now. And not have to worry as much as us adults." Listen. I get the stress. I do. But if we are going to make it though this thing, we are going to need to stay grounded in the right kind of mindset. Perspective is everything. And it is my solid belief that positivity is a choice. We can choose to be “human beings.” We can choose to have the beautiful mindset of a child, who is so grounded in presence. Even in the midst of chaos. Especially in the midst of chaos. And guys, for me, a rock solid mindset is rooted in the soil of gratitude. Because there are so many things that I could be depressed about right now. My gym closing. The difficult feat of cobbling together childcare. The stress of paying my bills. The fact that the dating scene has become significantly more difficult to navigate (my car or yours? I’ll bring the take-out. And don’t forget your mask.) But strangely, my heart is unbelievably full right now. Because of this experience. Not despite it. And I am convinced that it is because my lens on life is one of gratitude. I choose gratitude. And I choose to see the positive. The price of gas. It’s never been cheaper! Do you not whistle a merry tune as you’re filling up your car these days, watching the $$$ creep up at a snail’s pace?! Sports broadcasts. They’re all best-of repeats! Or better yet, bloopers! You’re guaranteed a knock-out show. Gridlock traffic. It’s no longer a thing! We could get a walloping 10 feet of snow right now, and you’d sail through downtown, right in the middle of the storm, no problem. The abundance of people getting outside to walk, or run. Ironically, I haven’t bumped into my neighbours this much in years! And do I even need to mention how many opportunities there are to make fun of people using those Nordic walking sticks?! They’re everywhere. For me personally, it’s the little things. Like going for a run outside, with my bestie. Something that never even occurred to me to do before! Cooking at home. A passion that has absolutely been reignited with newfound enthusiasm. More time with my kiddos. Teaching them how to play Go Fish. Reading Harry Potter together. But it’s also the big things. It is the opportunity to become a leader. Never have I been more proud to have the skills of a personal trainer. Someone who can help people in this time of need, by getting people moving. Active. And sweaty. It is the chance to live my life’s passion, no matter the circumstances, and witnessing my own incredible ability to pivot and adapt. It is the experience of slowing down. There is no go-go-go of getting to swimming lessons. And ballet. And birthday parties. And haircuts (you better believe I’m gonna cut my own son’s hair….and give him a mullet). It is a deep breath that life rarely affords. And while many begrudge the closing down of their favourite restaurants, coffee shops, and hangouts…..I am strangely filled with a renewed sense of gratitude for their existence at all. I have a deep trust and belief in the mantra, “this too shall pass,” and when I do get the opportunity to step into my gym, or drop my kids off at school…..I will have a renewed (and deeper!) sense of gratitude for it all. So let’s redefine what it means to “be a human being,” and live our everyday lives. Let’s choose to embrace the shit show. And see the good. Because none of us knows how this thing is truly going to evolve. And no matter how many experts we interview, how many stats we drum up, and how many predictions we make…..everyday life will only unfold one day at a time. Yes, this is uncomfortable. This awkward. This is different. This is scary. But this is also beautiful. If you allow yourself to see it. “Coffee please. With a double shot of tequila,” I say. “Oh! Ok. One of those days?” says the waitress. “You fucking bet,” I say. I just met with the divorce lawyer. A rendezvous I’ve been putting off for a very long time. The draft separation agreement I wrote up, was torn to shreds. And as I sat there, taking my first sip of delicious boozy coffee, I felt the reverberations of what felt like a boxing match. Sure. I get it. Divorce lawyers exist for a reason. All too often, breakups turn nasty. And people do things you never imagined they could. But to be bludgeoned over the head with “worst case scenario” after “worst case scenario,” felt like a back alley brawl....and not the jazzy high-kick West Side Story kind, either. And the funny thing about “worst case scenario” thinking, is that I really don’t think we do enough of it. Or rather, we do enough of it.....but we only do it half-way. We don’t complete the loop. Evolutionarily speaking, the very best “worst case scenario” thinkers were the ones who survived! We are absolutely programmed to anticipate the beast. But in this day and age......for “worst case scenario” thinking to benefit us, we need to pair it with a plan of action. If the nightmare you imagine were to happen, how would you deal with it? How could you get things back under control? We have survived 100% of our worst days. We always do. And yet somehow we often fixate on the calamity, rather than our evergreen ability to rebuild. All too often, we spend time looking side-long at our fears. Seeing them, but giving them all the control. And call me scandalous, but I love to be in control. You know. Tie my fears up to the bed posts every now and then. This, I feel, is what is happening with the current Coronavirus pandemic. People are panicking over “worst case scenario” thinking, because they are peaking around the corner at fear, and then letting it drag them into the ring. Toilet paper. Bottled water. Creamed corn. The stockpile is real. And although a certain amount of preparedness makes sense, there is some extreme anxiety going on. Changes in policy. The way we socialize. The way we eat, sleep, and breathe. It’s all under scrutiny. I can, however get behind the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle style foot high-five. THAT has absolutely been missing from my life. Now, I’m not a big Star Wars fan. But yoda? He’s the shit. In all his wisdom, Yoda once said, “Named must your fear be, before banish it you can.” Yaaaaaasssss! Rather than boxing with fear, we must dance with it. Look it in the eye, offer a hand, and bring it in close for a late night dance floor booty grind. Or at least a waltz. Dancing with fear is about facing it head on. And then creating a masterpiece that Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers would be envious of. So often, we keep fear at an arm’s length. And only when there is impending doom, or a perceived threat, do we look at it. How often have we been shocked into action, when a co-worker, a friend, a parent.....gets diagnosed with an illness. We feel like we dodged a bullet. It could have been us. And so we start buckling down on our health, once and for all. Until the sense of urgency wares off, that is. When it comes to fitness, people tend to conveniently look the other way. Until it’s too late. And so....if this current climate of fear has reminded me of anything, it is that, we could all die tomorrow. Every single day of our lives. “Worst case scenario” the shit out of your health, and realize that caring for your body is truly life-or-death. But rather than linger in panic, realize that daily energy and effort and care is the equivalent of the most elegant pas du deux. It is the show stopping Beyoncé number that will elicit cries for an encore. It is naming your fear. Then co-creating with it. See, know, and understand the consequences of ignoring your health. Think "worst case scenario." Then create a plan of action to deal with it. Because when we all run out of toilet paper, you’re gonna want to be able to execute a high-speed highway truck heist to get some. And you don’t want to have to stop to catch your breath while doing it. Ok ok, hear me out. “Life hacks” are a dime a dozen these days. Everyone has advice on how to strategically beat the system. But the only one you really need? Stop intellectually masturbating. That's right. Stop falling in love with the idea of doing stuff. And start falling in love with actually doing stuff. All too often, we come up with a great idea, only to mentally jerk off over it. We fantasize about what it will be like to do it. Then we spend an insane amount of time prepping and organizing and colour-coding the shit out of our calendar, thinking that we are gettin’ ‘er done….when in reality, we are simply tricking our brain into thinking we are moving forward. Productivity Porn Take productivity, for instance. People are always looking for ways to be more productive. But productivity can quickly turn into productivity porn. This happens when you start using 39 different productivity apps. Or when you start “tracking steps” on your fit bit, instead of just moving more. It’s when the idea of doing the thing is weighted more heavily than actually doing it. Success Porn Usually, if you’re trying to “hack” something, you’re avoiding what will actually get you where you want to be. People hear little tidbits of advice when it comes to success, and all of a sudden, they’re obsessed with trying to emulate “the greats.” Wear the same clothes everyday. Steve Jobs did it, and supposedly he increased his capacity to make good decisions. Sure, you could do that too. But then you’ll start to look like a cartoon character. Work 100 hours a week. Elon Musk does it. Are you building a rocket ship? No? Well then you probably don’t need to work that much. You wanna know the real impetus behind success? Consistent hard work. Plain and simple. The best hack of all, is not trying to hack anything. Because when you’re diligent, patient, and get it right, you reap disproportionate rewards. I can’t tell you how much I’d love to be at the top of the writing world this instant, but I keep working because I know there are no shortcuts. Don’t fight the truth. You have to earn it. You know it. I know it. But only a few are able to embrace it. Ever since I can remember, I’ve liked my music loud. Extremely loud. In fact, I once went to a concert, and couldn’t resist standing anywhere other than right beside the speaker. I had temporary hearing loss for 24 hours. But still. It was SO worth it. I love to feel the beat. Music moves my soul. And if you’ve ever been in a car with me…..or cooked with me…..or had a shower with me (ok, that’s a very short list of people, but still)….you know, I like it cranked the fuck up. My love of music is deeply ingrained. And I blame my father. When I was little, we would have Sunday morning dance parties, and he would turn the volume to the max on our 3 ft. high living room speakers. Robert Palmer. Phil Collins. Elton John. Aerosmith. The soundtrack of my childhood. Music is the ultimate form of expression for me. I make it. I move to it. And I listen to it to pump myself up, wind myself down……get myself in a hot-and-bothered mood, or to act as the catalyst for my tears. When I find a song I like, I listen to it 100 times over. Also? If you want to know the ultimate form of torture for me, it would be to force me to listen to a good song….then require me to not move a muscle. I like my music the way I like many things in my life. Extreme. But even so. I never start at max volume. You ever sit down in a car, turn it on, and get blasted by the unexpectedly loud tune-age? Ya. Not fun. And likely, it just made you pee in your pants just a little. Extreme is amazing. But it’s something you build up to. And sometimes, in life, we are so tempted to go extreme, right out of the gate. You ever have an epiphany? A sudden jolt? A realization that if you continue down the path you’re walking on….you’re never going to become the person you want to become? This place of dire-ness. Desperation. And critical clarity. It is the very birthplace of motivation. But it never lasts. Because that parched feeling. That need to change. It can be pushed down. And brushed aside. Especially when you’re tired. Or you’ve had a bad day. And Ben and Jerry’s just this once is what you deserve. You want motivation to last? Do this. Move forward. Then give it a chance. You know those kind of people who chase shiny objects? Ya. Don’t be one of them. In order to stay motivated, you’ve got to give yourself a chance. And I mean like…..6 months. Not just a couple of weeks. Stay the course. So many people dive in, realize how hard it is to keep going, then give up. Shit is hard. Yes it is. Pick your destination, then drive. Move. Go forward. No matter what. Don’t convince yourself that you need to “get your ducks in a row” first. Fuck the ducks. Take action, and keep moving. Turn up the volume. Slowly. Also don’t be one of those people who goes from zero to sixty right away…then burns out. Focus on building momentum. With any new endeavour, we all feel like we suck. There’s a huge amount of imposter syndrome. And there’s always a certain level of embarrassment with learning something new. But all experts started out as beginners. And you have to be willing to go through that learning curve. Don’t get all “full-costume, lights, camera, action” right away. Add new skills. One on top of the other. And build your confidence, one brick at a time. Be willing to “be the amateur.” And don’t expect perfection. Or overnight success. You want it? Put on your patience hat, missy. You’ll ride that bike down the hill. And guess what? You’ll get faster and faster the further you go. Have a (snow)ball. Motivation is a desire to do something. A desire. And if you’re waiting to like the thing that is hard to do….think again. Instead, allow yourself to fall in love with the results. And let that fuel your fire. In chasing every dream. Every goal. Every personal best. There comes a critical turning point, when you start experiencing success. You see little victories. And you start winning. THAT is when the snowball you are building really starts to form. Because then, and only then, will your motivation become self-fulfilling, and sustainable. But don’t make the mistake in thinking that once you make a snowball, you can stop pushing. That snowball has endless potential. And if you keep moving, it will keep getting bigger. There is no end. There is no finish. There is no done. So please. Feel free to live an extreme life. I’m in full support of going big, or going home. But ease into it. So that you don’t just do the “going home” part, and forget about the “big” part. Now, excuse me while I hit “post,” finish my coffee, and hop in the car. I’m in a fabulous mood. And I have some serious steering wheel drumming to get to. Yes I am that person. And I can’t wait to pull up next to you at a stoplight. The kitchen table is covered in play-doh. There are rolling pins, crimpers, cutters, slicers, dicers…..and every imaginable Disney princess, lined up in a row. Clara and I have spent the last hour creating play-doh gowns for each of the princesses. “This one is just fabulous,” she says, pointing at Cinderella’s squashy pink and purple polka-dotted frock. I love watching my daughter, in her element, creating with absolute whimsical freedom. There are no rules. And mistakes are simply happy accidents. It’s been a rough week. My entire family was knocked down with a virus from hell. But amidst the fevered haze of endless episodes of Peppa Pig, and repeated read-through’s of Richard Scary’s What Do People Do All Day? there were moments of quiet bliss. Rarely do we spend that much time together. Especially outside of the whole rush-rush-rush, come on guys, we need to go. I was on the verge of exhaustion before I was knocked to my knees with mandatory bedrest. And what I realized, was that I actually needed that time in order to catch my breath. I needed to pause, so that I could reignite my go-get-em. Sometimes when you’re in the thick of it, you lose sight of where it is you’re actually going. You put your head down, and you do the work. But, every now and then, you’re forced to stop. And within those chapter breaks, you realize…..man….here I am, trying so hard to get ‘er done, when really, I should simply be enjoying the journey. And oddly enough, this is something that Taylor Swift helped remind me of. 2 am coughing attacks occasionally led to some mandatory Netflix-ing. And one of the documentaries that kept me company this past week, was Miss Americana. Now, I’m not the biggest Taylor fan in the world. Blank Space is on my Fuck You Feisty Spotify playlist (cozied up to a whole lotta Rihanna and Dua Lipa). But something I never realized about her, is that she is a true creator of her own work. She is a storyteller, which I admire, and she writes every single one of her own songs. Watching her in action, stringing together beautiful poetry with different beats and rhythms, was like watching pure magic. It was incredibly inspiring, and it gave me a whole new perspective on her music. After seriously contemplating getting bangs (Jesus, that girl knows how to rock some serious fringe), I started to think about moments in my own life, when I’m in-the-zone like that. When am I most alive? When am I making magic? The answer? When I am in pursuit of a goal that lights my soul on fire. And I think that’s true for all of us. We become who were are meant to be….when we are in pursuit of something. When we have a goal or a challenge in front of us….it makes us come alive. And so, if you are feeling burnt out…..or uninspired…..or stuck in a rut…..I would like to throw this out there. You are likely feeling that way, because you have lost the fiery, energetic, passionate pursuit of your own goals. You have lost the joy of simply creating. We are all creators at heart. And if you are not working towards some kind of dream, you are doing yourself a disservice. To feel alive with creation, is at the very core of our beings. Our souls long to be artists. And in this day and age, when so much of our day is bogged down with passive consumption of knowledge and information…..it is more important than ever to pause, and reflect about how you are making your own dreams a reality. Maybe even before pneumonia makes you take that pause. How are you building, designing, inventing, and composing? And more importantly…..how are you celebrating the experience of it all? For me, today was the day I started to feel….not so horribly sick. And so I decided to crank my Badass Women playlist, while driving down the highway, wearing a brand new pair of rose gold aviators. I tapped into my feminine energy, and just let myself feel pure joy over the many opportunities I have to create, in my life. Even if one of those things is the most gorgeous Sleeping Beauty shift dress, you’ve ever seen. The dim glow of the nightlight paints the room with softness. My 4-year old daughter and I are both squished into her single bed. Rainbow comforter covering only half of each of us. Her little body is like an oven. She has a fever. And I’ve promised her I’ll stay in her bed all night long. I’m almost asleep when I hear a whisper in my ear. Clara: “I don’t know if I want to be a mommy.” Me: “Why’s that?” Clara: “I don’t know how to do it.” Me: “Well, it’s kind of something you learn as you go.” Silence. Again, I’m nearly asleep, when she asks me a question. Clara: “Mommy, what’s a helping hand?” Me: “It’s just a saying. It’s when you get help from someone.” Clara: “If I become a mom, I’m gonna ask for a helping hand.” Me: “Sounds like a good idea.” Little does she know, every single mom who has ever walked the planet has felt ill-prepared to take on the role. And the moment you feel like you’ve figured something out, things shift, and change, and you’re thrown a scenario that requires you to level up. We all feel like we’re faking it. But adaptation is the name of the game. And as Leonardo DiCaprio once said (cue the Celine Dion), “every next level of your life will demand a different you.” Of course you’re not prepared to be the person you’re striving to become, just yet. If you were prepared, you’d already be that person. Over the past year, I have made some massive changes in my life. I have challenged my own status-quo and leapt off the cliff on more than one occasion. I am a growth-minded individual. I actively seek ways to challenge my comfort zone. I’ve come far. And yet I still have so much farther to go. My subconscious continually fights for homeostasis. It tries to convince me that I’ve made a wrong turn, and that I need to go back. Or at least stay right where I am. Likely because my very identity is at risk. In order to grow, I need to change. And in order to change, I need to give up who I am today. Even if in an incremental way. I like who I am. But I need to trust that I will like who I will be, even more. Life is a series of first steps. And if you’re at a place where you want to take the next first step in your life….whether it be in your career, your relationship, your physical health, or your spirituality….I have some advice for you, straight from the brilliant mind of a 4-year old. Ask for a helping hand. Yep. So often, we think of this journey we’re on as a solo mission. But when we’re brave enough to ask for help (and risk bruising our own egos), we’re bound to notice the extended palm, just waiting to give us a boost. There are shining stars in each of our lives. I most definitely have mine. And over the past few months, I have learned two key lessons from some helping hands in my life. Let go of your story (and your past) The adage of, “what got you here, won’t get you there,” is so true. Just when everything starts to click, you hit a wall. And you’re forced to come up with a new strategy. All the routines and processes that have served you so well, start to work against you. And you’re forced to reinvent yourself or stay stuck. Letting go of your story is a continual process, because time does not stay still. Even who you were yesterday is different than who you are today. And clinging to the past is a surefire way to create friction with tomorrow. Let go of your need to predict the outcome One of the biggest reasons people do not reach the next level, is they are fixated on needing to predict the outcome. People will stay in shitty relationships for the silliest reasons…..”well, you know, we’ve got that trip planned next month, so….” or “we go camping every summer together.” Our brains loooove predictability. And it goes against the grain of our soul to throw a wrench into something we can rely on. In it’s purest negative form, predicting the future looks like worry and anxiety. And let me tell you, I have so often lingered in “worst case scenario thinking” just so I don’t get blindsided by it. So what does that leave us with? The present. Going all in on the present. And surrounding ourselves with people who are going to help us fill in the gap, from here to there. People who will give us that helping hand, and lift us up to where it is we strive to be. Trust that you will get to where it is you want to go. And lean on others, like stepping stones, to get there. But just know, that sometimes the hands that help us may not be the ones we expected to help us. And we may not even find them in the places we expected to find them. And yet still. The hands we thought would be there for us, may not be. Or it may even be that the hands that helped us get to point A….may not be the ones to get us to point B. Be open to evolution. And ask for a helping hand. Key change. Near, far, wherever you are. I take a swig of my water bottle. I wipe the sweat off my brow. And I glance up at the scoreboard, with a nervous squint. Tie game. My grade 7 basketball coach is drawing, what looks to be a game of X’s and 0’s on a mini white board, and he’s all business. All business, as if this one game is THE defining moment for his career. The whistle blows, and I race back onto the court. Show time. The ball gets thrown to me, and with every ounce of skill I have, I drive hard towards the net. I can hear the energy from the crowd. They’re cheering me on! Somehow, no one is around me, and I do a quick one two step for a layup. Swish! I nail it! Only to realize that I just scored on the other team’s net. Humiliation. Complete humiliation. Worse yet? The other team ended up winning the game. By 2 points. Yep. Growing up, I always told myself I was a good basketball player. I watched all my dad’s games. We shot hoops in the backyard together. It was in the genes. I was destined to be MVP. But that moment. That moment changed everything for me. All of a sudden, I started to tell myself that I was a horrible basketball player. And guess what? I was. Your body believes what your mind tells it. And like it or not….good or bad…..your body will listen to the boss….your own mind. One of my all-time favourite rituals with my kiddos, is a short meditation before they go to bed. Sometimes they rustle around. Sometimes they pick their noses. But every now and then, magic happens, and they’re into it. My favourite meditation is one that includes affirmations. And I absolutely love it, because I adore the sound of my four-year old daughter’s sweet little voice repeating things like: “I am unique,” and “I am confident.” But aside from that, I also love it, because it works. Just the other day, my daughter looked at herself in the mirror after putting on her tutu for ballet class, and she said, without hesitation, “I am beautiful.” Coincidence? No fucking way. Guys, it is my life’s passion to teach my own children to believe in themselves, no matter what others say or think about them. Their self-worth is not determined by what others think. And for me to truly convey that message with conviction….I need to live it myself. I need to embody those beliefs. And I need to know my shit so well, that it comes as second nature. As we round the corner on Valentine’s Day, I remind myself of this. I don’t need to wait for permission. I don’t need someone else to tell me who I am. I get to decide. But first, I need to believe it. And on this journey of self-love, as a single, independent woman, I have realized that the best way to love myself is to have confidence in who I am. And to give myself the gift of self-assuredness. My own son is convinced that he is going to be an NHL goalie one day. He knows what he loves. He believes in his own talent. And he unashamedly dreams big! Guys, believe in the power of your own mind. Know that you are setting yourself up for success. Or failure. Depending on your perspective. Everyone has some place they want to go. Better health. More free time. A deeper relationship. Financial independence. A fulfilling career. But you can’t get there unless you take command of where you’re going. So many people are afraid to sail into the high seas. But as the saying goes, “a ship in port is safe….but that’s not what ships were built for.” I have a list a mile long of who I believe I am. But don’t worry. I’m not hankering for the role of point guard in the WNBA. LA Lakers Cheerleader? Maybe. As the story goes, cows are cowards. They sense a storm coming, and they start running the other way. They plod along in vain, trying to outrun the rain. And wouldn’t you know it? They get drenched anyways. Bison on the other hand, are wicked smart. They sense a storm coming, and they run right into it. As the storm passes, they make their way to the other side in record time. They see what’s coming. And they go towards it. Head on. Whether it’s true or not, the analogy of facing our problems, is sound advice. But how do we do it, in practice? How do we turn towards the dark clouds, with open arms…..when every part of our lizard brains is telling us to run the other direction? You want my advice? Learn to manage your emotions. It’s about keeping fear in check. And not letting our minds run wild with “what if.” Just the other day, I was talking to a girlfriend of mine, and she confessed that she was a “scale-watcher.” She said that she was obsessed with the number on the scale lately, and that it was starting to feel unhealthy. “I get it,” I said. Just this morning, I thought to myself…. “hmmm…..are my pants fitting a little tight? Did they just come out of the dryer? No they didn’t. Holy shit. Don’t tell me. Don’t even fucking tell me.” For women especially, health is incredibly emotional. And the tiniest change in the wrong direction can throw us right off. Our body image is tied to our self-worth, in a way that men just don’t experience. And all too often, “fitness” is measured in pounds and inches. Which means….the pressure is on! When it comes to health, I am deeply passionate about tackling mindset first. And emotions are a big part of that. Because, as the saying goes, whether you think you can, or you think can’t, you are right. Just like a boyfriend, you have to build a relationship with your fitness. It ain’t never gonna work if you hate every second of the date. Sure, maybe you’re looking for a one night stand, for kicks. But if you want long-term health? You’re gonna have to deal with the tough stuff. The “I’m not good enough” moments. And the "I can't do this” days. Ready to walk towards the storm, and turn your emotions into your very own superpower? It is my belief that it all starts with a little seduction. First Base: Stop Lying to Yourself We lie to ourselves. All. The. Time. Probably because we are the easiest people to fool. Deep down, we know exactly what we need to do. And yet we blatantly go against that truth, and rationalize our decisions constantly. I’m going to workout tonight. I’m going to start tomorrow. I’m going to sleep in, just for today. Be honest with yourself about what you want, and be realistic about how you’re going to accomplish that thing. Second Base: Trust Your Intuition No matter how many times you try to bury your intuition, it will always keep coming back. It sneaks up behind you, and whispers in your ear: “trust yourself.” Do what you love. Move in a way that feels good to you. Push it hard when you feel like you've been hunkered down and sedentary for a bit too long. And take your foot off the gas when you feel overworked and exhausted. Check in with how you feel in your own skin. Check in with your energy level. And check in with your level of self-confidence. Movement is primal. And intuitively, it is something your body craves. Tap into that urge. And let your body be your guide. The Home Run: Do The Thing If you want to survive your own emotions, put yourself in the jungle until you’re no longer scared of the lions, tigers, and bears. Fear runs us, more than any other emotion out there. And no matter how many times we run the worst case scenarios, nothing replaces actually doing the thing. You have to prove to your own mind that you will not die. Because once you have faced fear, rejection, and embarrassment…..and survived…..you are literally overriding the “fight or flight” response in your brain. Let Nike be your guide. And just do it. Commit to movement. Stay consistent. And override the “I can't do this” mindset. Fitness is a “game of inches.” But not in the way that you might imagine. It’s not about your dress size. Or a number on the scale. Fitness is about inching your way through the hard days. Walking through the dark clouds. And managing your emotions, so that your body can do it’s thang. If I had to wager a guess, I’d say that Snow White is probably the most depressed of all the princesses. Sure, she’s got her looks. And she hangs out with seven incredibly adorable senior citizens….one of which is named Happy. But here’s the thing. She’s banking on “someday.” Big time. “Someday my prince will come. Someday I’ll find my love. And how thrilling that moment will be. When the prince of my dreams comes to me.” Not only does she place all her happiness eggs in the basket of tomorrow….she actually thinks that she can just sit back and let it come to her. To me, happiness is a state of mind. It’s not something you reach at the end of a long road. It’s not something you will experience as a result of making more money. Losing weight. Or meeting that special someone. Even if his last name is Charming. All too often we think about happiness as a destination. But really, when it comes down to it, happiness is a way of being. A perspective. And an outlook on life. The way I see it, there are three key steps to happiness: Start setting goals I am happiest when I feel like my life has purpose and meaning. Taking daily steps towards my biggest dreams, is hugely satisfying. Especially when I feel like I’m making on impact on others. But in order to get that “jump out of bed” feeling, we need to know where it is we’re going. Create a vision for your life. Set a goal or two (and get specific here). Then find joy in building your castle, brick by brick. This is something I am continually trying to teach my kiddos. It’s the way they will rush to get to the end of a book. Or agonize over a Rubik’s cube. Guys. It’s not about “getting there.” It’s about enjoying the ride. Stop caring about what other people think Oooooweee, it is tempting to give weight to other peoples’ opinions of us. In fact, our ego demands it. But let me tell you. When you start to live your life according to what other people want, you rob yourself of true happiness. I get it. It feels so good to be liked. And I think all of us are probably experiencing some form of PTSD from our junior high years. Jesus. I know I am. But our souls thirst for things. And when you can get still and quiet enough to tap into that thirst, you can start quenching it. It can be terrifying to go against the grain. Disapproval is one of our greatest fears as human beings. But guys, playing it safe will only ever leave you feeling unsatisfied. Dare to let your passion steer the ship. Even if other people call you crazy. Put gratitude at the forefront I think all of us, at one time or another, have said to ourselves……I just need to get through “X.” Then I’ll be happy. But if those thoughts become a way of life? You’re totally screwed. For me, motherhood has been the biggest test of my will to stay happy, here and now. There have been so many times over the past few years when I have been tempted to give into the idea that I will be so much happier when my kids are less dependent on me, and I can have a little more freedom. And sleep. Little kids are fucking exhausting. But guys, the number one game changer for me in terms of my level of happiness? A daily gratitude practice. Every single day, I write down a handful of things that I am grateful for. Teeny tiny things like my wool socks. Or the way Liam celebrates a goal he just scored on the ice. As soon as you start “keeping track” of things you are grateful for, your brain automatically starts scanning your day for things to add to the list. Our lives are abundant with good shit. But like one of those magic-eye puzzles…..sometimes you just need to look at things a little differently. Or….squint and go cross-eyed and refuse to blink for a solid minute. All at the same time. You and you alone are responsible for how happy you are. And sometimes you really need to give yourself a little vision test in order to bring happiness into focus. I mean, you’re welcome to sit there and pine away for someday. Or you can realize that you have it made, because the squirrels do your dusting, the raccoons do your laundry, and the birds wash your dishes. |
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