I close the front-door with a heavy thud. I feel the cold air hit my lungs. I shiver. Hard.
It is pitch black.
And as I turn the key to start the car, the engine whines. The wipers loudly scrape the front windshield, covered in frost.
I put the car into drive, with a sigh. My heart, heavy.
I'm so tired. I just want to crawl into bed.
And no matter how many times I drive this drive, I feel the sharp pang of sadness as I pull away. Every single time.
I'm leaving my kiddos for the night.
I have a 30-minute drive ahead of me.
And I'm headed to my parents' place. A make-shift home that has so graciously been offered to me, in the midst of my divorce.
I've made this same drive every day, for a year. Kids at home with daddy. Me, all too familiar with the words that come out of my own mouth: "see you in the morning, my darlings."
The pain of this drive cuts deep. And with the reappearance of winter, like an evil-twin back from the dead (fist bumps to you, Days of Our Lives!), I cringe at it all.
But guys, this pain? It is the very reason I am digging so deep right now. I am working my ass off, building my own business, pouring everything I have into bringing value to those I serve, in new and exciting ways.
Because I am SO SICK of the 30-minute highway trek that leaves me chilled to the bone. And I am SO SICK of being a 36 year old woman, a mom, who is struggling to find her footing.
And when you think about it, some of the most successful people in the world have risen to the top, from a place of pain. Oprah Winfrey. JK Rowling. Ralph Lauren.
These all-stars are like emotional Judo Masters.....swinging their own pain of poverty and desolation, right over their shoulders with pure momentum.
And so while I am am incredibly positive and happy person.....I also know the value of harnessing my own negative emotions, and using them to my advantage.
And so I ask you. Where are you numbing your pain with the social painkillers of our time?: TV. Drugs. Alcohol. The weekend. A vacation.
In what area of your life are you looking the other way, and pretending your pain doesn't exist?
One of the most common culprits? Our health.
Are you frustrated with your health? How winded you get after climbing a flight of stairs?
Good (well....not good....but stay with me here). Feel that pain. And use the frustration to propel you into action.
Are you envious of Patty in accounting who rocks a sleeveless dress (or Kelly Ripa's sexy-as-fuck pipes, while we're on the subject)?
Good. Reverse engineer that shit. Ask Patty what she did to get to where she is. And DO THAT.
Are you feeling desperation over your low self-esteem, poor body-image, and mediocre sex life?
Good. Because you can propel that kind of raging-bull pain, right over you.
If you're willing to grab a hold of it.
Fall in love with frustration. Befriend your negative emotions. And make the pain of staying the same, worse than the pain of changing, through the simple act of staring it right in the face. Head on.
Falling short of your goals? Extrapolate your life into the far future.
If you keep living the same way, what will your life look like 5.....10......20 years down the road? Does what you see scare you?
Good, get to work.